The Vow
by penpaninuSessh
Summary: Kenshin POV from the Betrayal OVA. mf


Sadly I did not invent the basis for this story. That was the end of the Betrayal ova. I am merely writing from Kenshin's point of view. I hope you enjoy. Please review.

Once again thanks to inuskye for awakening my Rurouni spirit. I may not wield a blade, but I too am a pacifist.

Disclaimer: Penpaninu does not claim to own Rurouni Kenshin in any way shape or form but does claim to know grief's sharp hand.

"The Vow"

by penpaninu

"I am sorry, Himura…" Katsura whispers from the doorway of my home. He sits down like a peasant, just inside the entryway. We do not look each other in the eye, but we still talk about my future.

"Katura-san…" I whisper, hands clasped to my knees.

"Yes, what is it?" he asked. I can feel him watching my slouched shoulders. My soul is so shredded and my heart is numb. I continue to watch the still face of my dead wife. She is beautiful and serene lying in our bed dressed in white.

"When this battle is over…. when everything is through…." I begin. Katsura interrupts me, sure of what I am to say.

"You will leave our clan?" he asks. Such sadness to his words. Was I really that valuable to him? My heart seizes once more.

"I don't mean that exactly. But I will never kill again. Never again…." I murmur, my heart sinking heavy within my breast at my fervent quiet vow. And although it hurts to say or acknowledge it is what I must accomplish, I know it will be the right thing to do.

My hands covered once more in their wrist guards are heavy on my knees. I know I must kill momentarily to help Katsura's big stake against the Bakufu. I am needed dearly.

My eyes trace Tomoe's still face slowly. I know each curve of her face…but I must look on her while I can. Behind me I hear Katsura rustling around to stand up.

"I will see you at our headquarters, Himura." He proceeds to tell me the directions and he leaves. I remain kneeling the rest of the day, well into the dusk of the early evening.

"Tomoe….I must leave you," I whisper with a sad smile on my lips. My hand traces the scar she completed then lingers down to caress the hilt of my killing instrument. Once more would I use this heavy tool of destruction. The shock I remember last holding this stabs through my fingers. I had killed someone far more dear to me than life itself. And I had to wield this blade once more for I was needed.

Fate it seems is never without a sense of irony. I collect my katana in my hand and slide it through the ties of my hakama. I spend the next hour collecting oil and wood to gather for the house. I will not leave without sending my wife to the afterlife.

My heart seizes when I send the first match onto the ready pyre of my happy home. Tomoe is in there. She is in there…. then the house goes up into easy flame and I stand there, watching as my ties are severed clean once more. My wife and our home go up to the heavens in smoke and ash. I turn my back and walk slowly away, smelling the burning wood far down the path as I keep going.

My wife, you are free. I try not to think of her as I travel to the city I am needed. There is chaos in Kyoto. Shinsengumi and Bakufu march freely and search for my employer's heads. After checking into the new headquarters, I am sent out to aide any Chosu.

Let loose onto the Bakufu and other lackies they hold is what Katsura-san surely meant. My heart is heavy but my hand will not falter. I need only kill a few more times…. Even though it damages me inside to think of doing it again until I can stop forever.

I slowly walk, with resolute deadly conviction through the panic-ridden streets. Several of my comrades dart past me and I step in front of a legion of samurai. The colors indicate they are Shinsengumi.

"Leave those men alone. If you don't…. you will be killed," I utter, my heart sick at my deeply emotional words. My eyes are numb and dead, my face pale. The samurai hold a paper lamp up.

"He has red hair! And a Cross-shaped scar…." They murmur.

"It is the assassin," a young chipper voice sounds further back in the mass.

"Okita-san!" a senior says. The young talented swordsman steps forward, and faces me, that ready smile ever on his face. I regard him slowly and wearily, and draw as he charges me.

I cannot kill him, he is young and too talented. But as we part and my blade struck lucky and forced blood from his mouth, he keeps smiling. He is enjoying this! My heart is weary at the assessment. Does he desire to wield death so badly? Then a sharp voice cracks from the Shinsengumi.

"Stay back, Okita."

"But, Saito-san!" Okita protests. Saito Hajime prowls forward, his pace confidant and practiced.

"You know I cannot abide the scent of blood, boy," he says familiarly and readies his katana in a charging position. I watch him out of the corner of my eye tiredly and turn to face him, the weary task of fighting showing in my face and gaze.

I must kill again momentarily…I must kill just a little while longer… I tell myself this as I sit in a room in headquarters, resigned to try and sleep. I sit leaned back against the wall, holding my katana to my shoulder once more and Tomoe's scarf around my neck. The scarf is the only comfort I will allow my hurt. I wear it always even though it is warm by day during these last days of the Shogunate regime.

My blade slices unenthusiastically through skin and bone. My speed is still feared and my accuracy deadly. But my heart bleeds and twists with each new death. Just a little while longer do I have to kill….

My vow stands clear in the foremost of my mind as I run and fight and kill again and again and again for days straight. I cannot keep doing this. I must stop and I will never kill again after the Emperor is seated in power.

I know Tomoe is following me. I can sense her walking just behind me as she used to when we would go to market…. I cannot turn to see her, for her image would bring fresh new grief to the pain I carried with me. I close my eyes as I sit back to sleep against a tree. The traveling idols by the road assure me I will be safe a moment….If I can just rest myself one moment….

I am so cold as I drift to sleep. But I am sure Tomoe was nearby, guarding me with her emotions. How it sears me to think she is not at rest. But I must continue killing. Just a little while more….

One morning I watch the imperial standard raised indicating the Chosu's victory against the Bakufu. I watch it all morning, unbelieving in so short a time for victory, or that they had made it at all. I am only relieved I can fulfill my promise.

I blink and breathe in the fabric of Tomoe's scarf. Then I turn and walk away. My katana rests from the ground, next to the victorious banners.

I can begin to walk away from this. I will never kill again. I cannot do again what I had done to my wife. Tomoe, you needn't watch over me. I am a different man and I will do what is needed to make things right.

I can still feel her presence at my back as I walk, a new blade against my hip. Even when I leave her scarf tied to a cross I erect just for her memory, she is still with me. How could she not be when I loved her and she was in my heart?

My weary eyes are blood-shot and exhausted as always. But I slowly smile as I wander down the road before grief sets in once more.

End

Like it? Hate it? Please send a review!

Most sincerely penpaninu 11/27/05


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